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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college to use the facilities in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|